31 Days: When only one thing is needed

  

The day started badly, thoughts swirling and coiling in on each other and spiralling down into a place of shadows and dark corners. Challenging conversations, looming deadlines and a lot of work to be done.

Tonight is good; calm and peace is restored. I feel at rest. Tired but not exhausted.

I didn’t do all the right things to incorporate rest or rhythm into my day. I worked while I ate lunch. I ignored my computer’s software that reminds me to take regular breaks – more than once. Yes, I’m definitely a work in progress.

But I did one thing well. I made a very short list of the the most important things for the day and I worked until they were done. I didn’t overestimate what was achievable. I didn’t get distracted by other things. And when I logged out of my computer, picked up my bag and left, I felt a weight lifted and a lightness restored.

And I’m reminded of Martha’s story in Luke:

Luke 10:38-42: As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he taught. But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.” But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.” 

Mary was distracted with so many things to do and it made her worried and upset, especially with her sister Mary. I wonder if Martha was preparing an extravagant banquet when Jesus would have been happy with a sandwich and her company.

I wonder if Martha was trying to do everything except the one thing that was most important in that moment, being with Jesus.

What if we let go of the many things we’re worried about getting done, and focus on the one thing that is needed right now?

This Day 9 of The Rhythm of Rest series (Write 31 Days challenge).

31 Days: Giving myself permission to rest

I was attending a training course and one of the activities involved choosing which type of an animal you were. There were four animals to choose from: eagle, hare, tortoise … I forget the fourth one. Each animal was associated with a description of the way a person functions. The two I remember were the hare and the tortoise. The hare was fast and flexible. The tortoise was slow, methodical, with an eye for detail. 

I nominated hare, because I could be fast and flexible. And I thought that was more important than being slow and detail-oriented.

I stood with all the people who chosen the hare, thinking that while I could function like a hare when required that really I was more like a tortoise. If I had been more honest with myself I would have been standing with the one person in the group who had chosen the tortoise.

That was years ago, but I still catch myself trying to function like a hare. Fast and flexible. And exhausting – especially if you aren’t designed that way. 

I’m still learning how to incorporate rest into my day. And the first thing is to give myself permission for rest. Rest that is refreshing and makes work sustainable and productive. Even when there are unfinished tasks – perhaps especially when there are unfinished tasks.

Are you trying to be someting you’re not? Are you giving yourself permission to rest?

This is Day 7 of The Rhythm of Rest series (Write 31 Days challenge).

Finding the answer between Yes and No

I don’t like saying “No” to a request. I don’t always like saying “Yes” either. But I do like to help, and I tend to reason that if I can do something, I should do it. Like the Optus commercials, I say “Yes” – a lot.

And once I’ve said “Yes” I’m committed. I need to follow through. I hate to let anyone down.

Photo Credit: photosan0 via Compfight cc

Here’s the thing with always saying “Yes.” I get really busy, I do more than I should, I end up doing a lot of things that other people should be doing, and the things that are really mine to do get pushed down the priority list.

Worse still I end up on the bottom of the priority list because I don’t look after myself.

Sooner or later, the smile fades, I get weary, stressed and resentful, and if I don’t do something to address it, I burn out. I know this because I’ve been there more times than I’d like to admit.

Confession time. I am a serial offender when it comes to over-committing. I over-commit, over and over again.

Sometimes I’m a slow learner.

Friends, family and colleagues have told me that I need to learn to say “No.” And that’s true. At least some of the time.

However, for those of us who find saying “No” difficult – for all kinds of reasons – it doesn’t always feel like helpful advice. We may just nod our head in agreement, and then carry on saying “Yes” because it seems easier and we don’t feel so guilty. Because saying “No” can feel selfish, even when it’s the wisest, most loving thing we can do.

Sometimes I discover that I’ve said “Yes” before I’ve even realised the full extent of the request, or considered my existing commitments and priorities. And the number of times I’ve immediately dropped what I’m doing to help a colleague with a request are countless.

Yep, when it comes to changing habits, I’m definitely a slow learner.

Of course there are also plenty of occasions when it’s good and right to say “Yes.”

One thing I have learned recently though, is that “Yes” and “No” are not the only answers available. Sometimes the best answer lies in between “No” and “Yes.”

“No, I’m sorry, I can’t do that, but here’s what I can do.”

Photo Credit: Valerian Gaudeau via Compfight cc

I’ve discovered that sometimes when I need to say “No” to a request, it doesn’t always need to be a flat-out no. I may be able to do part of what’s been asked, or even offer a different solution.

And that can be just as well received as an unqualified “Yes.” That’s good news for someone who finds it hard to say “No.”

Are you wrestling with how to respond to a request? Perhaps your best answer is somewhere in between Yes and No.